Oronogo

I'm sitting in Adrian, Michigan. It's Friday night and we are all about to tear down in a couple of hours. It's going to be about 2:30 am before we are done. We hit the road for a 12 hour ride home in the morning. Home is such a sweet word right now. I'm looking forward to sitting on my front porch and watching my kids play. I'm looking forward to taking a long walk with my wife. I'm looking forward to going on a walk and holding her hand. I'm looking forward to home.

It got me thinking about a journal entry that I made after one of my hardest years of ministry back in 1999. That was the worst year ever. Even though I had 2 back surgeries in 2004...I'd still say that 1999 was even worse. I think it would have to come in second to 2005 whenever my wife was diagnosed with cancer...that trumps all the years combined.
I love where I am in life right now...but I still want to go home. I don't mean Oronogo.

Journal Entry Feb, 22, 1999
Jayson French

I want to go home. No, I really mean it; I want to go home. I can remember as a kid, I would run up the driveway after school, and it felt so good to hit that front door and throw my books down. No more burden, no more baggage. I could just be home. I remember when I got stranded once in a St. Louis train station. I had no money, and no way home. I didn’t have any idea on how I was going to get back. I was broke, and scared, until I saw his face. It was my mentor from church. He just happened to be heading back to Joplin and decided to stop by the shopping area with his family. My heart nearly broke out in tears when I saw him and he offered me a ride. I just wanted to get home.

I remember one Halloween night when I was trick or treating. All alone, I had told my friends’ goodnight, and began the last three lonely blocks alone. I remember when the big white truck pulled up next to me and tried to convince me to get in. The fear struck my heart. I could see my house. The lights were on. My mom was waiting for me to walk in the door. I was afraid. I just wanted to be home.

I remember last summer. I had spent about six weeks away from home. Many of the trips I had to take without my wife and my son. I was speaking in Idaho, and I had planned on taking some vacation days after my speaking vacation. I remember getting off of the plane in Boise, and seeing that there was no one to meet me. I wanted to go home. I cancelled my vacation days, and willingly gave up the money for an earlier flight. All the way back, all I could think about is that I couldn’t wait to get home.

I remember being overseas, living in California with no family, I know what it is like to miss home. To be truthful, I want to go home.

It isn’t a matter of going back to my house, in fact, I’ve never even seen the place that I am longing for, but I know it is there. The Israelites longed for the Promised Land, and in a matter of speaking, so do I. I long for a place where I won’t see my friends get divorces. I long for a place where children don’t kill. I long for a home where the tears are dry and the water is so pure that no one has to fear. I long for Heaven. I want to go home.

I’m tired of the games, and the gimmicks. Second guessers and the skeptics no longer amuse me. I want to go home. I long for a place where the only leader is Jesus, and the only agenda is worship. I long for a place where gold isn’t an indicator of wealth, and my home will never be for sale. I long for a house, a house with many rooms, a place where I’ll never have to worry about living alone.

I long for a city, a city whose streets are never marked by orange construction barrels, and who will never charge me for utilities. I long for a city whose builder and maker is God. I long for clear purpose. I look for the day when I never have to worry if I am in the center of God’s plan, I just want to live in his house, I want to go home. I want to go to a home where my child will never die. I want to go to a home where my body will never grow old. I want to go to a home where I never have to worry about food on the table, because nobody ever gets hungry. I want to go home.

I want to live with my Jesus. I want to see my Lord love on the children who never had enough to eat. I want to see the smiles on their face when the no longer feel the sting of hunger. I want to go home.

I want to see Jesus. I want to fall down at his feet and say that I am sorry for all of the times when my attitude got in the way of where his Spirit was trying to lead. I want to tell him that I am sorry for all of the times that I confessed with my mouth and doubted by my actions. I want to see him. I want to see his eyes and feel the forgiveness that he has already granted. I want to go home and say that I am sorry.

I want to hear my Jesus. I want to hear that he knows my name. I want to know that I am one of the ones who called him Lord, Lord and actually mean it. I want to hear him say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant, enter into your rest.” I want to go home.

I want to listen to David talk about Goliath, and I want to tell Daniel how amazed I was that he didn’t cry. I want to smell Shadraq, Meshac and Abendigo to see if they smell like smoke. I want to go home. I want to see the brothers and sisters that I have never met. I want to ask Paul how long he had to tread water after the shipwreck. I want to ask Peter if he would preach the Pentecost sermon all over again so I could hear it. I want Noah to just explain how on earth God pulled it off. I want to ask them all questions. I want to meet Job. I want to go home.

I want to see Aaron and Cory. I want to see Janice’s grandfather. I want to see Jesus. I want to go home.

I have felt this way before. It is the feeling when you are on the plane, and you have no idea as to how far out you really are. It’s that feeling of wonder. I wonder if my wife is getting ready to pick me up. Is Justin awake? Will he be happy to see me? I love the feeling when the nose of the plane begins to dip, and you know that the final descent is near, you are almost home. You wait for the plane to taxi, and then you wait in the back of the plane for the aisles to clear. I want with all of my heart to just be home. You start walking up the Jetway, your heart beats, and then at that moment when your eyes meet the ones that you love, you don’t know whether to cry or to laugh. I think that heaven will be a little like that.

I have that feeling of wonder about heaven. Sometimes this trip seems so long. It’s like we will never get there, so I distract myself, but the simple truth is I want to go home. I look forward to the trumpet sounding, and to find out that were really were more than conquerors. I long for the dead in Christ to catapult into the air. Just like Elisha, I want to hear the dead bones start to rattle! I want to walk into Heaven and feel my heart melt and to lose all sense of dignity and demeanor. I want to fall on my face in reverent fear and amazing love. I hope that the only thing that captivates my attention is the shear wonder and beauty of God.

I pray I don’t say anything stupid. I am so good at that. I hope that I just remember to keep my mouth shut. I hope that when it is time to worship, that I spent enough time in Psalms and Revelation that I know all of the words. I want to sit by the river of life. I want to marvel at the craftsmanship of God.

I cry out the words of Revelation, “Come quickly Lord Jesus”. It isn’t an obsession with death; on the contrary, it is a celebration of life, eternal life. This is the grand prize. This is the crown. This is the goal. This is my passion, my purpose and my sole priority in life. This is what I am all about, and to this end I will labor. It isn’t about power, it is about popularity, and it isn’t about position. It is about Jesus. It is about all of the frustrations paying off in the end. It is about knowing that I didn’t do it the easy way, but I did it the right way. It is about realizing that I may have never made all of the money I could have made, and I still received more than I ever deserved. To this end I will labor. I will not give up. I will not give up.

I will not give up. I have come too far, and loved too much. I have worked to hard and I am saying I will not give up. I may be frustrated, but he will not allow me to fall. I am hard pressed on every side, but I am not crushed. I am perplexed, but I am not in despair. I am struck down, but I am not destroyed. I am persecuted, but I am not abandoned. I carry around the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may be revealed. BY GOD, I am going home. I will be more than a conqueror, I will fight the good fight, and I will keep the faith, because I know that for me a crown of righteousness has already been custom fitted to my measly head.

I refuse to exit quietly. I will tell myself everyday that this is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad. I will not go about with a spirit of timidity. I know my destiny, and it is sure. I will not fight like a man beating the air. I will not run aimlessly. There is too much to be done. Yes, I want to go home, but there is a lot of work that still needs to be done. I will work. I will bust my tail until the plane pulls up to the terminal.

I will not allow my spirit to sleep, nor will it slumber. I have wasted too much time already. I want to go home, and I will.

Finding Terry

Terry is a 50-60 year old man who came as a sponsor. He has some mild disabilities. All we knew is that he was wearing a red shirt and red suspenders. I'll get back to this part later.

Last night completed our first night of Indiana2. I preached the opening sermon...let's just say that we all missed Mark Christian, he did the preaching last week!

The sermon was all about redemption. How Jesus shows up to find us and heal our brokenness.

At the end of the night we walked out into the lobby and the rain was just POURING. I took our team backstage to meet. We had just started our meeting when Emily Pelsue came back to tell us that Terry was missing.

I looked at our team and we quickly assembled a search party on the Anderson campus. I sent out our BC teams and our Interns and we divided up the campus. It was dark and raining and we had no idea where Terry had gone.

It only took a short time. Terry didn't want to stand in the rain anymore than we did. So he went back to the dorm. Smart guy.

I guess the part that smacked me the hardest is how quickly and efficiently we could assemble a response to someone who was lost. That just makes me wonder all the more why the church stinks so bad at doing the same. Why is it that we can read book after book and attend seminar after seminar about improving our impact in the community, yet our ability to actually find someone truly lost is ineffective. It's like we don't know where to look.

So here's to finding the Terry in every city. The spiritually disabled who sometimes don't even realize they are lost. May the church get a clue. May the church restore it's passion for not only talking about the lost...but finding them as well.

Jayson

Family pics

Don't bless our work?

Watchman Nee just nailed me again in his small book Sit, Walk, Stand:
He says: "...all work that is going to be effective in the divine purpose must be conceived by God. If we plan work and then ask God to bless it, we need not expect God to commit himself to it. God's name can never be a "rubberstamp" to authorize work that is ours in conception. True, there may be blessing upon such work, but it will be partial and not full. There can be no "in his name" there; only, alas, our name!" (p. 66)

All week I've been praying...not that God would bless our efforts, but that we would follow His blessing. Well done Watchman Nee.

Well, week one is on the books. It went really well. I'd say that in my four years at CIY, this is the smoothest first week out that I've ever had. This is also my favorite Conference theme. I felt like the week flowed really well. I had several youth ministers say that it really connected.

Looks like our attendance for SC is up this year! That is really exciting!

Our staff is wiped out. We all slept in until about 11 am and then went to P.F. Changs in Indy. I'm excited about next week. Looks like we've got a great crowd in Anderson.

God is good.

More than I anticipated

We almost didn't add the element in our service tonight. We had looked all over for the "Honor" cards and we couldn't find them. Finally...at about 6:15 we located them backstage. The element has students write a note to their parents. We wanted to see relationships restored and to see the reconciliation between students and parents.

The hard part for a student is that we ask them to hand the note to their youth minister and we ask the youth minister to mail the postcards tomorrow morning.

I can't imagine what it will be like when a parent gets this postcard in the mail before their child gets home. I can just imagine a student who forgets and by the time she gets home her attitude is larger than the car...and them mom says..."Hey, about that note...let's talk".

I really hope this opens up dialogue. I had a young man come up to me and say that he needed that push. He needed to make things right at home. I walked by another set of girls who were praying together. I walked passed another high school guy who had a pen in his hand and his hands were writing as fast as the tears were flowing.

It was more than I anticipated.

Jayson

Levi

I'm in Indiana right now leading a CIY Summer Conference. My son was in one of the skits tonight. It was so cool. He played an extra in our "electricity skit". He was so proud. He came out with a Star Wars light saber and fought Josh from Great Lakes Christian College. Josh tips the scales at about 300 lbs. Levi comes in at a whopping 45 lbs. The crowd just roared. Levi was pumped.

Levi told me that he had to get used to being on stage...because he was going to work at CIY someday. My heart just melted. He's already told me that he is going to take my job and that he wants my office. He wants to tell kids about Jesus.

I know that if Levi were to take my job...then I know that CIY would be in good hands. This kid knows how to pray. Today I told him that adults were going around the auditorium to pray for students. I found him sitting in an auditorium chair, alone. That just hit my heart. He is a praying kid. He is also passionate. He has his heart set on God. At this age it still comes out in fighting his brother, but I know that someday it will pour out in ways that are much more constructive for the Kingdom. When he was born we named him after the passage in Exodus 32:25-26. Our prayer is that he would always rally for the name of God. I know that the Lord will use him.

As for my office...not yet. I don't feel like I'm done. So Levi, you'd better get in line.

Amazing

Today was a tough day.

I got word that my grandmother passed away. (on my father Jim's side). I called today and his heart sounded very broken. That hurts to hear. I told him that I would be willing to drop everything for family and come home if he thought necessary. I feel compelled to complete the work at hand of leading conferences. I also feel the tension of being there for family. The graveside will be on Friday...and I'm scheduled to preach that night. He told me that I was doing good work, and that he felt I was right where I was supposed to be...And that he was proud of me. So on Friday night...a part of my sermon will be dedicated in my heart to my grandmother. I didn't get to spend a ton of time with her after my parents divorce. My memories of her are simple. She was always laughing and she always welcomed me with a hug. I remember how her eyes would light up when she saw me. That always meant the world to me. When I walked into a room as a little kid...I remember craving to be close to her. Her smile was so sweet. She was also a stubborn and private woman...and I think that's where I get part of my personality quirks. She was a great woman.

When I get home from conferences this summer, I plan on taking my boys, Sydney and my wife to visit her graveside. I'm also painfully aware that I had a disconnect with her because of divorce. I find myself lamenting that fact right now. I don't want to repeat that mistake with my children. I want them to be close to their grandparents...and I find myself needing to work on that.

As far as conference goes...we have completed our first night at Indiana1 and we are in the middle of our second. What an amazing night. The worship was intense. I felt like Mark Christian was supposed to preach that night...I didn't really know why...but I felt like he was the guy. I now know why. It was amazing to see all the first time decisions on Monday night. There had to be at least 40 kids who came to Christ that night. My heart was overwhelmed.

Right now we are in the middle of Tuesday night. It is going very well. I love going to Conference. It's stressful getting ready...but it is so much fun once it starts. I still love to sit back and watch people worship. Tonight was a powerful moment. The experiential worship element where students put the tombstones in the sand was so powerful to watch. I stood back and watched for awhile and my heart broke over some of the things that were being written. I hope that this confession leads to repentance.


Things are really going well. I'm looking forward to the rest of the week. I want to learn from Watchman Nee in Sit, Walk, Stand. I want to find God's blessing and follow it. I pray that as the week(s) unfold...that we can follow his direction.

Jayson