I found one of my journal entries today...and it brought back a lot of memories. One of my favorite text of the Bible comes from John 20. There is a word in vs. 19 that I will never overlook.
“Locked” (vs. 19) – Closed. Secure. Afraid. Noone is coming in and they don’t plan on coming out anytime soon. Fear sapped the deadbolt shut, and now they are let with a quiet whisper and the sounds of their own hearts beating in their ears. Every footstep makes them shiver. They are locked. Not merely closed. Not just huddled together. They have no apparent plan for offensive maneuvers, just a mess of fear and flesh. They are locked. No sense of His power. No sight of his presence. All they have is the memory of a dead God, and they are locked inside with their own fears. I lock my house, not to keep my stuff in, but to keep burglars out. I lock my car, not to keep my seats looking new, but to keep control of my vehicle. I think I also lock my heart. As much as I would like to deny it, I lock my heart. Door slams shut, I whisper to my emotions, careful not to talk to loud lest someone should hear me. Trapped inside with the experiences of the past but afraid to open the door and face rejection. I see that Jesus waltzes right in the wall. I think he also stands at the door and knocks sometimes. I have a fear that if he rushes in I might have to walk back out. It has been awhile since I truly allowed myself to see and touch God. In fact, while I am absolutely sure it has happed before, in the mess of this moment I can’t think of a tangible time when it did. Funny how absence really doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, …just absent. Locked. I think part of the fear is that once the door is open there won’t be much to see. That is the real fear of unlocking the door. The house is messy; the spiritual furniture is worn and outdated. Your room is in need of remolding. I don’t want to talk to Jesus behind a peephole. So many of us as believers huddle together living on past memories of You. You want to have us come outside for a barbeque. You want us to meet our neighbors, and to introduce them to you. We are not just locking ourselves in we are locking others out! Lord, help me unlock the door. Help me to get rid of my fears of rejection, embarrassment, and pride. Set me free from the bondage of my own heart. I noticed that when you came and stood among them, it says nothing as to how you entered the room. I ask you to do the same with me. Just show up. No doorbell. No invitation. Jesus…just show up. I’ll leave the light on for you!
